"Contract" by Spencer C. Salokar


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Post June 10, 2016, 01:00:15 PM

"Contract" by Spencer C. Salokar

This piece starts promising:
A crime to some, justice to others.
That reads like there might be a story there. At that time - at the end of the first paragraph - I had expected to be told about that story.
I was wrong.
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Post June 10, 2016, 02:31:30 PM

Re: "Contract" by Spencer C. Salokar

Overly critical vates.
Help him understand what went wrong.

We don't know enough about the victim. The violence is stereotypical for a longer fantasy piece but is too expositional for flash. The connection to the protagonist doesn't seem to gel to the reader. Using your space more wisely in this case would have had us understand why he had to die and make us care. Also find someway to make the reader relate and care about your main character. An invulnerable, supernatural killing machine wasn't relatable in this case. Also the end was sharp and dramatic but didn't seem decisive because we don't know why it happened or care that she succeeds or he dies really.
Remember: when people tell you something’s wrong or doesn’t work for them, they are almost always right. When they tell you exactly what they think is wrong and how to fix it, they are almost always wrong. – Neil Gaiman

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