Too Much Information by Sohrab Koohpaima


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Post October 15, 2005, 12:37:36 PM

Too Much Information by Sohrab Koohpaima

<br>was this story brought about by watching Jet Li's The One? seemed familiar from that movie somehow, with superbeings living hidden among locals in other worlds/parallel universes.<br>pretty good and all, but i didn't warm to the characters coz they were all very clear cut, and especially Silas didn't get enough room to maneuver and grow even a tad. by a similar token, the two MIB dudes could have injected much given an increased role.<br>was half expecting a plot depicting some sort of task force bent on eliminating aspiring writers just as they're about to submit work for publication (fahrenheit 451?) but then realized we're dealing with non-terrans in search of renegade sleeper/deep cover agents. Not a bad thread, but less fascinating for sure.<br><br>Lee

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Post October 21, 2005, 09:57:25 PM

Re: Too Much Information by Sohrab Koohpaima

Sohrab has one of those writing styles that makes his work easy to read, which is a huge asset for this kind of fiction. And his ideas are generally good. However, I can't shake the sense after reading several pieces that his work is never developed enough. It's always a draft or two away from being "ready." <br><br>This story is case in point. As Lee noted, the characters could use some developing and the ideas here are complicated enough to require more space and detail to really blossom. Further, I found the POV annoyingly fluid (a pet peeve of mine and not necessarily something others might criticize). <br><br>I see a good, publishable writer here whose work evidences the need for him to develop the patience to let his stories evolve in that organic fashion that comes with writing and rewriting.<br><br>Dan E.
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Post October 23, 2005, 07:22:38 PM

Re: Too Much Information by Sohrab Koohpaima

I've seen tremendous growth in Sohrab's stories since "Exile" back in March, was it?<br><br>I thought there was a wonderful use of descriptive language in the opener to help set the mood. Also, there was a more concrete setting described throughout.<br><br>However, much like "Pot 62", I saw this as an extra long flash piece rather than a full short. Flash creates the mood, tone, or setting, and then "flashes" us with a surprise that changes reality as we know it. <br><br>There's nothing wrong with flash, and I think this story works just fine as such. It does what it sets out to do. <br><br>Exile, Attraxes, Pot 62, and T.M.I. here were good experiments to try out openers, descriptive language, dialog, and building some character. They show that you've built up a workable skill set, but now I think (& I think that this is what Lee and Dan E. seem to be really saying) you should be ready to hone the next skill: plot development. <br><br>I say it's time for the real deal--a full-fledged short that develops characters in an arc, builds to a climax, and then resolves itself logically instead of in a flash. Do that, and no one will tell you it's still a draft or just an opener.<br><br>Are you up to it?<br><br>Nate
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Post October 24, 2005, 04:22:24 AM

Re: Too Much Information by Sohrab Koohpaima

Thanks very much for the pointers. <br><br>To be honest, I am working on a longer piece, but I've hit a couple of snags. It will be ready but it may take a little more time.<br><br>I really do appreciate the criticism and support though. I'll try to deliver something more solid soon.

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Post October 24, 2005, 12:17:15 PM

Too Much Information by Sohrab Koohpaima

<br>didn't have any issues with the POV, Dan. but have to concur with the other comments. <br>it's not really criticism, Sohrab, rather comments from people who have your back. also, you didn't acknowledge my query: was the story in any influenced by Jet Li's The One?<br>was this flash fiction? isn't flash like under 750 words or something? i viewed it as a short of the regular variety.<br><br>Lee

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Post October 24, 2005, 12:54:24 PM

Re: Too Much Information by Sohrab Koohpaima

Sorry to intrude, but I've seen a few minutes of The One on cable (had somewhere to go, I think) and all I know is that any movie that has Disturbed as part of its soundtrack is OK by me. <br><br>Dan E.

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Post October 24, 2005, 01:02:20 PM

Too Much Information by Sohrab Koohpaima

<br>intrude? what the...<br><br>yeah, wasn't a bad flick, some good action and an interesting storyline concept, quite respectable. not a surprise since the guys who helmed space above and beyond helmed the one, and it was directed by Corey Yuan, who's highly capable at what he does.<br><br>Lee

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Post October 25, 2005, 02:10:38 AM

Re: Too Much Information by Sohrab Koohpaima

Hey there,<br><br>When I say criticism I mean it in the most positive way possible.<br><br>The One? Jet Li? You're not going to believe this, but I hardly ever watch movies like that. I will be honest and admit that I caught about 2 minutes of this flick walking through the living room and all I remember is lightening and cheesy dialogue. <br><br>The only Jet Li movie I've seen is that new one, Danny the Dog. Liked it.<br><br><br>

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Post November 05, 2005, 01:52:43 PM

Too Much Information by Sohrab Koohpaima

<br>heh heh just thought there was quite the similarity, but guess it's not your type of flick after all!<br><br>Lee

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Post November 06, 2005, 08:48:36 PM

Re: Too Much Information by Sohrab Koohpaima

I think Lee and I understand what you mean by criticism, so not to worry since our remarks--positive and negative--are meant to stimulate the writer in you to think about your work. <br><br>However, I think you need to learn how to appreciate B movies. They are the opiate of the geeks.<br><br>Dan E.

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Post November 08, 2005, 04:20:28 AM

Re: Too Much Information by Sohrab Koohpaima

Oh I love B movies. Just not the C and D movies! ;D
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Post November 17, 2005, 01:49:50 PM

Re: Too Much Information by Sohrab Koohpaima

I found this story to be quite good, although I agree with Dan’s assessment that it doesn’t feel quite finished. I would recommend finding an editor or another writer to go through the story with a fine tooth comb to make it complete. It’s not far off.<br><br>I actually enjoyed Sorhab’s style. It reminded me of Terry Bisson’s They’re Made Out of Meat (http://www.terrybisson.com/meat.html), especially the ending.<br><br>Ah, the ending! In my opinion, it was the strongest part of the story. I love a good punchline and the story led up perfectly to this final statement. Great execution here.<br><br>I’m not sure why people were reminded of the movie The One. Wasn’t the plot in that one where a man travels through parallel universes killing off parallel versions of himself? A better analogy might be Highlander where a bunch of immortals lived among normal humans, spending their idle time chopping off each other's head.<br>
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