Page 1 of 1

Fun House by J. Alan Brown

PostPosted: October 14, 2005, 01:10:23 PM
by unforgibbon
I was annoyed at start of this story, viewing the cynical presentation of marriage as overdone. However, once the story found its groove, I enjoyed it a great deal. Well-wrought action kept me reading, and while I knew generally how it would end, I didn't know the exact means, which also kept me reading.<br><br>That said, for me, the ending seemed a bit too tidy, not a plausibly produced effort at injecting some, well, plausibility or rationale to the story, as we find out what happened. As annoying as our man was, I wasn't convinced that he deserved what he got. There seemed little to be gained for the perp that legal and less mean-spirited means would achieve. Further, the perp wasn't presented as someone capable of doing this either--the lead character's perspective notwithstanding. And what's the son to make of all this? <br><br>I think a little tinkering is in order for that aspect of the ending to really work.<br><br>But it was a good ride.<br><br>Dan E.

Re: Fun House by J. Alan Brown

PostPosted: October 18, 2005, 09:54:46 PM
by Megawatts
I liked the trek throught the fun house the best. It held my interest and make me think of similar stories and T.V. programs that had settings like this one.<br><br>I think the author attempted too much of a twisted type of ending that didn't work for me.<br><br>He writes very good---his description puts you in the action---and I think he had talent. A little practice and this guy will be producing first rate stories!<br>

Re: Fun House by J. Alan Brown

PostPosted: November 10, 2005, 03:13:33 PM
by Jaimie
I agree the ending needs some rework. The son is the impetus for going into the funhouse but he also becomes a major plot hole. Since I very much doubt the child was involved in the conspiracy, there is no way he will forget the moment that 1) he was terrified to hell and back and 2) he lost his father.<br><br>Some nice, hidden foreshadowing with this conversation:<br>
"Look, honey. Things are just tight right now, with my new job and all. I promise, in a couple of years, I'll be able to get my own practice started, and then we'll be set. When I get things off the ground, we'll come to the fair and you guys can do whatever you want."

"Somehow, Matt, I strongly doubt that."
<br><br>Read in the original context, she seems to be stating disdain. In actually, it’s more than that. Matt’s gonna get his comeuppance, and she knows it!<br><br>Overall, it’s well-written, although it seems a bit rushed in places. A few nips and tucks here and there would tighten it up a bit.<br>