Story: Carnival by David Ames


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Post August 07, 2015, 11:59:50 AM

Story: Carnival by David Ames

It's this month's long fiction; a horror story this time. Give it a look; it's creepy.
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Post August 27, 2015, 11:25:30 AM

Re: Story: Carnival by David Ames

The intro gets my attention, and that is a plus in any story. I usually prefer a more potent intro but will settle for this one since it’s interior monologue, and very compelling. Some of the old detective movies from the 40's and 50's often started out with an intro similar to this one: when I think back to those movies, that technique always engaged my attention.


I’m glad the intro got my attention for the story, as it progressed, become intoxicating and rather hypnotic as it unfolded! Every sentence, every word, every phrase intensified my interest until it reached an apex. At the apex----I didn’t want the story to end! I couldn’t stop reading this story even when a fellow musician called me about some detail in our group’s advertisements. Thank God for caller ID.

I love stories about kids getting themselves into weird situations; movies like It are my favorites.


To do credit I must congratulated David on his point of view usage. I thought about how the story might have revealed itself from a third person perspective or one of the many variations, and can find no better point of view than the one he used. His point of view remained constant which is another plus for a story, because this story was very clear and easy to understand. His word choices aided in furthering the story often by their sounds complementing another meaning. I’ll give an example: “ telling them about the hairy men who would be perusing past their windows later in the evening, looking for the flesh of children to feed their stomachs.”

We have the word “perusing” before “their windows.” Yet the word pursuing also jumps into our minds as we read. The two words are different in meaning, yet the sound of one suggests the other! The word “perusing” projects much darker and atmospheric conditions around the window than just walking or moving or even sneaking, peeping, scanning etc. A very good use of a word in my opinion------ that also projects a sound the engages other emotions or thoughts.

The characters are believable and their dialogues work for me. Enough information is given about each, yet we are not overburdened to too much that might bog our minds down and break our train of thought. I have read stories that show and explained to the point of being ridiculous about a space alien or monster, in which I forget the true story line. As I said before this story captivated me.

If I had more time, I would analyze further, but I think I’ve covered some of the most important points.

This story should be read and studied by all!

Great job David, and as an English teacher I can see that your students have a teacher that practices and loves his craft. They are lucky!
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