The Assistant Assistant Portkeeper by J V Rudnick

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Post March 21, 2005, 08:41:00 PM

Re: The Assistant Assistant Portkeeper by J V Rudn

<grin> gosh, I love this forum....the feedback is SO important to us 'newbie' ss writers [snip]
I have 3 more in the works and my first sf novel *should* be done by early fall and yup, it's out on the Rim too....
<br>I'm not sure 'newbie' is quite the correct term. Your other publishing credentials are extensive. Most of us "old hands" would kill just for the agent part... :-(<br><br>You've written a good story, Jim.<br><br>It was written with professionalism, had good variation in sentence structure and vocabulary, and definitely gave a sense that the writing was carrying me along.<br><br>Set dressing might be the only black mark I could give. It was clear that you tried to make some things more detailed, like the description of the Leudies and Ttseens, but not other important items like Wiggins himself, or his lizard, or Allison. They were all important characters too, but their description was minimal. Likewise his office, which was a major setting in the story. My eye for detail would have loved to see more about all those species in the cafeteria. Also, I wouldn't be me if I didn't call for more than just sight and sound in a story. When only those are used, it always reminds me of a television show rather than a real place.<br><br>Also, I was forced to wonder what the first Assistant Port Keeper as well as the actual Port Keeper actually did.<br><br>Top marks for characterizations and plot development. Wiggins drew my sympathy right off. The story felt believable and true down in my gut, and that's the real gauge of success for any reader. It unfolded in a way that made sense. Wiggins made a choice based on things he learned during the course of the story, and that's the right way to do it.<br><br>Fair marks dialogue. While the Leudies had a definite "uppity" speech pattern, I was disappointed that all the species could speak that well. If Ttseens had a mouth like a dog, I doubt they'd be able to pronounce labiodental consonants like "f" or "v". They wouldn't have teeth in the right spot. They may manage dental or alveolar consonants like "t", "d" or "n", but probably wouldn't sound quite right. A voiceless alveolar affricate like "ch" would be right out. [Sorry, I hadn't exercised those parts of my brain for a while, so they were itching to be used.] These items would be unimportant if they used a translation device. However, if you use the Ttseens again in one of those stories, you might add an extra layer of realism by making them sound like they really would.<br><br>So, minor quibbles only. Nicely done.<br><br>Nate
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Post March 28, 2005, 09:15:44 PM

Re: The Assistant Assistant Portkeeper by J V Rudn

...Oh, and while this might not be new to some of you, there is a whole collection of folks who're very very much into Princess Leia and that dang outfit she wore when lounging at Jabbas feet too...

<br><br>I believe the group is called heterosexual males with a pulse. (It includes some lesbians as honorary members.) I'm not sure what the group who are very very much into Jabba are called, however.<br><br>Robert M.<br>
You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.

Jack London (1876-1916)

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