Post March 26, 2005, 05:31:25 PM

Re: Barflies by Frank Byrns

Another gritty look at the world of metahumans. Adonis rides again, but this time in a taxi.<br><br>I can't say that there's any more description here than there was in "Hollywood Ending." Kyptonite again. :) I did, however, love the invisible guy playing dominoes. (Where is the supervillain bar, or is this neutral turf, like churches in the Highlander series?)<br><br>Good opening. A bit more abrupt that I'm used to, but definitely caught my attention.<br><br>I liked Adonis trying to be a hero who keeps it under wraps, but I guessed it would be a meta as soon as the cab appeared. Something that makes him seem vulnerable before the story gets rolling (instead of after) would help his appeal. <br><br>Based on her comments on the ballplayer and lawyer bars, I assumed Fran was looking for notches in her bedposts. Regardless of her motive, her conflict was that she wanted to be hooked up with a meta. To that end, she didn't do much to reach her goal. She was scared, that's true, but if she was really as shallow as she seemed, wouldn't she have played up the vulnerable and frightened angle to get Adonis between the sheets? <br><br>Just a thought, but what if she was a supervillain herself, and the vixen line was just her way of ensnaring heroes?<br><br>Why would the bartender keep all the trophy guns under the bar? Not a good way to keep it a secret the next time he has an inspection by fire marshals or health inspectors. Given the state of his establishment, I would have thought he'd pawn them or at least try to get their value as scrap metal.<br><br>Structurally, I wasn't crazy about switching point of view. I think that after you go that long with Fran, you need to finish with her. Either that, or shift to Adonis earlier to establish precedent.<br><br>All in all, a decent job, Frank. Next time, I'd suggest filling in some more description and adding some more work on motivation vs. resolution.<br><br>Nate<br><br>P.S. I did read all those stories you sent me notices on, but I already spend too much reviewing other people's work. I drew the line for myself at only commenting on stories that appeared here.
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