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Tell us what you thought about the March 2005 issue!
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I’m sorry, I get all worked up when I critique. Basically, this was another good idea, Donald. There were things that I really liked: more sensory input and humanizing of the powers he possesses. I think if next time out you increase sympathy for Al early on to draw us to his character and do some more showing rather than telling, you’ll have a whale of a tale.
Nate
,This story also suffered from the old show vs. tell problems that plague most of us. The conversation between Al and Marl-Ki, which took place right in the middle, completely stopped the story for an info dump. I think it would have been more interesting if Al had investigated the UFO sightings and discovered this stuff for himself.
Don't get me wrong, I did not think this effort all bad. I enjoyed Sullivan's word choice and the good mix of vocabulary throughout. Also, I enjoyed watching Al win out. Though it did feel a little strange to see the Breaha show signs of compassion at the last moment, only to have his head bashed by Al. Foolish alien, you should never have taken pity on an innocent!
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... This story also suffered from the old show vs. tell problems that plague most of us. The conversation between Al and Marl-Ki, which took place right in the middle, completely stopped the story for an info dump. I think it would have been more interesting if Al had investigated the UFO sightings and discovered this stuff for himself...
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this was definitely the fastest paced of the CAPS/Rice tales, and made for a good read.
although i agree with others that the discussion between Al and Marl Ki included too much science and should have been more sublime, it wasn't too big of a deal.
as always Don's writing was tight and entertaining. especially good were the twin elements of Sue as a hottie and the Southwestern flavor, both really helpful in fleshing out the series' feel.
the battle sequence was also excellently handled: smooth, consistence and believable. only problem was, Don mentioned names too often, but i know of few tricks to avert that.
in short, let's hear it for what's becoming a bonafide franchise. want to see what happens next.
by the way, Don, how do you come up with names for all these civilizations?
Lee
... Before my meddling, the infodump was a couple of hundred (?) words shorter!
Robert M.
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OOhh....liked this one too! The final battle tween Al and the alien was great! Only thing I might have liked to see changed, was the manner of death. Does he really HAVE to kill the alien with that spiked ball? Couldn't he have just INSERTED the thougth that the death happened in that manner to one and all....and still walked away the Champion?
Probably not, but I was a bit saddened that he had to 'stoop' to killing to win the battle....
Jim
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I didn't mind that the bad guy bought it, but I was a little disappointed that Al did him in. (I didn't bring it up because I thought I had already picked on Donald enough.)
Perhaps a better resolution would have been if Al tricked the bad guy into braining himself with the ball. If Al tricked him into thinking that Al was really where the Gorojinh was, or if he got him to lose track of where Al was going, then all Al would have had to do is duck or something, and the Gorojinh gets it. This was a contest of minds, after all. Then Al doesn't wind up with blood on his hands, and someone paid for the crimes against those who had their minds wiped.
Nate
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That's kind of a weaselly approach. [snip]
Al would still be responsible for the death, as much as a bomber pilot is responsible for the destruction and death caused by his weapons, even if he got the Gorojinh champion to accidentally electrocute himself.
This one maintained the nostalgic feel that ran through the last Al Rice story I read. Is Don shooting for this or is it natural to his writing style?
Dan E.
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...anyway, the finale presented no problem for me, the ET champion was a bit too arrogant for his own good.
and how does Robert always manage to tie everything with GW?
Lee
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