A Life of Simplicity by Emersion Fortier


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Post June 13, 2015, 12:28:35 PM

A Life of Simplicity by Emersion Fortier

An interesting story that depicts the brutality of war, and I must say it does describe many elements associated with day-to-day life in a war torn country.

The first four paragraphs tell us about the war by using interior monologue. A good idea in many cases for it gets us into the mind of the person’s thoughts. The first sentence of the second paragraph “It’s becoming difficult to remember time before I was running” tells us and somewhat shows us that the war has been raging on for a long time.

Good use of description and the dialogue sounded natural. The grammar was Okay–really nothing to nit-pick about.

The only suggestion I have: Experiment with showing and keep reading good stories of all genres, and study how the authors show or tell and how they introduce scenes into their stories.

You’ve demonstrated a talent for writing—keep at it!!
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Post June 15, 2015, 09:17:21 PM

Re: A Life of Simplicity by Emersion Fortier

It is a pretty grim story, with all the narrator's family getting killed. If the author wanted to rework it, he could maybe generate a little more sympathy for the people getting killed if he could show how they made choices that led to their deaths. He does it with John. John makes a choice to become a soldier. It's not clear if he's killed or not, but the other characters just seem to get killed, and there doesn't seem to be any particular reason other than the fact that they are in a war zone.
Also the title feels a little wrong. You would think that a life of simplicity would be a good thing, but in this case it is achieved by everyone the narrator knows getting killed. Is it an attempt at irony?
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Post June 27, 2015, 04:16:23 PM

Re: A Life of Simplicity by Emersion Fortier

I disagree. I didn't think that sympathy for the dead was a priority for the author. His goal read to me to be to show the effect of war on a child through the perspective of that same child.

When seen through the eyes of a child, would that kid (who has been numbed by war for months), really feel a lot of sympathy? I have to think not, but that's just my opinion.
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