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MyLives by Christopher Collingwood

PostPosted: April 09, 2015, 12:06:20 PM
by H Y Hill
For me, the strongest point of the story is the mystery that was being built from the beginning onwards and how the writing style accentuates that aspect. It had a Total Recall-esque feeling about it. The story being told from Marcus' perspective was a great choice because I, as the reader, am immediately put into his frame of mind.

However, there were a few let downs:

1) typos = for example, "miss understanding" instead of "misunderstanding." Proofread your story to get rid of them or ask a friend to proofread (another set if eyes does help spotting things our eyes can't spot). Typos are distracting to readers. They pull the readers out of the story and breaks their reading momentum.

2) unresolved plot points = the one that bothers me is why does MyLives have a file with Marcus' information post-operation? Why are they actively monitoring him? (Point unresolved) Or what's the resolution re Marcus' financial situation? Is MyLives stealing all of his money? If so, why would a corporation target a mere customer? (Point unresolved, or maybe not resolved thoroughly)

3) Marcus as a character. I felt he was two-dimensional. His life as Michael was merely flashed and in my opinion, not enough.

Re: MyLives

PostPosted: April 09, 2015, 12:10:15 PM
by H Y Hill

What is so dull about Michael's life that he wants to have his memory augmented? What drove him? This point, would add more depth to Marcus as a character.

4) In my opinion, the ending was unsatisfactory and that ties in with comment number 2 earlier. Having IDAS as a tool in the story has potential.

Overall, I liked the story. It was an entertaining read.

Keep going, fellow writer!

Re: MyLives

PostPosted: April 10, 2015, 08:03:25 PM
by Bizmanian
When I first started reading this story, I thought, "Hey, this would make a great movie, maybe starring Colin Farrell or a young Arnold Schwarzenegger. Hey, wait a second! Didn't I already see this movie--twice?"

But that's okay. No ideas are completely original. I still enjoyed following this guy around as he tried to piece his life together. And maybe we're closer to the actually technology now than we were back in 1990 when Total Recall first came out. Oh, the memories. I loved that movie!

Just to follow up on H Y Hill's comment about typos being a distraction. I think the "vanilla" folder should have been a "Manila" folder, unless you were just talking about the color.