Breach by Roderick D. Turner

Tell us what you think about the November 2014 issue!

Moderator: Editors

Junior Critic

Posts: 62

Joined: October 17, 2013, 12:09:46 PM

Location: Mid-Atlantic U. S.

Post November 13, 2014, 12:25:14 AM

Breach by Roderick D. Turner

First person present tense is popular because it’s effective. The female protagonist in Mr. Turner’s new story must describe her own adventures as well as provide whatever narrative the plot requires. I think Raj, her spouse is most convincing, even with scant dialogue. Valiant Defender Reggie provides most of the background narration and plays his role well, although I don’t see much personality under the armor.

The setting, with its shifts, is central to the story. I like the theme Mr. Turner explores, and his story takes a dimmer view than some I’ve seen.
About that bedroom scene. . . . Just to make a minor suggestion, because it nags at me: In bed with her husband, both Caroline and he are wearing clothing--“the sweat sticking me to the sheets . . . the damp humidity of the summer night.” Underwear, sheets, August humidity in DC? No air conditioning? February in Rochester might be more apt.

The conclusion comes suddenly with a block of narrative. I had the sense that the story is longer than it actually is. It reads quickly and easily, and sets the stage for future development. I think “Breach” might want to become a screenplay for a new space opera.
User avatar

Long Fiction Editor

Posts: 2649

Joined: January 11, 2010, 12:03:56 AM

Location: by the time you read this, I'll be somewhere else

Post November 30, 2014, 06:14:51 PM

Re: Breach by Roderick D. Turner

If you read a lot of writerly advice (I can give you a list if you want) you've probably already seen the advisement to not begin a story with your character waking up. That's one of a longish list of what are, by now, cliched one-liners on how to (or how not to) write.

My advice? Do read all you can find on good writing, but then become your own authority. After all, it's your story.

Mr. Turner has, for the second time in these pages, flouted the advice, with good results in both cases. In "Seepage," he brought us a formidable female attorney; this time we get a formidable female warrior. Woe betide the opposition in either case.

This one seems to have a quicker pace to it, but I thought the ending was less satisfying; resolution is postponed.

Again, good setting, dialog, plot, and characterization--and good proof-reading, too.
I was raised by humans. What's your excuse?

Return to November 2014

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests

Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group.
Designed by STSoftware.