The Truth by N.M. Browne


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Post October 28, 2014, 05:13:59 PM

The Truth by N.M. Browne

Cold. Relentless. Ugly. A torture-induced confession.

Just an observation: if something is "too disgusting to describe," saying so is a bit like telling someone not to think of a pink elephant. It tends to pull the reader out of the story.

There's a fair amount of under-punctuation here that needs fixed. But some of the description is excellent, such as:
The way you had to carry plastic wrapped crap around in your hand, while it was still warm and malleable, while it still stank: not for me I'm afraid. I couldn't do it.

and
When I spoke again it felt like I was vomiting, an involuntary spilling of only partially digested matter, like my guts were emptying themselves for her inspection.

"I hit her." The words pooled there, steaming on the kiddy-safe tarmac, like something anyone would avoid.

Nothing pretty or fun about this story, but it damn sure leaves an impression. Plot, dialog, setting, and characterization are all quite well done, and consistent as a whole. That said, as well-written as it is, I don't think many people are going to like it. Nothing surprising in that, though; the truth doesn't have many friends.
I was raised by humans. What's your excuse?
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Post October 28, 2014, 11:53:41 PM

Re: The Truth by N.M. Browne

I liked it overall. I agree with Lester for the most part. Keep it up!
Remember: when people tell you something’s wrong or doesn’t work for them, they are almost always right. When they tell you exactly what they think is wrong and how to fix it, they are almost always wrong. – Neil Gaiman

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