Circle Nine by Pedro Blaz Gonzalez


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Post October 06, 2014, 02:24:33 PM

Circle Nine by Pedro Blaz Gonzalez

Re-write of Inferno. Good job. Amusing, Entertaining. Well written.
Remember: when people tell you something’s wrong or doesn’t work for them, they are almost always right. When they tell you exactly what they think is wrong and how to fix it, they are almost always wrong. – Neil Gaiman
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Post October 25, 2014, 12:02:28 AM

Re: Circle Nine by Pedro Blaz Gonzalez

The prose is well-written, but I couldn't get far with it. As soon as I found out what was going on, I began skimming, by bigger and bigger chunks, looking to see if it was going to get interesting. It never did.

There are a couple of reasons for this.

One is that we're never provided with any reason to care about the main character, or anyone else in the story. They have no goals, no motivations, no backstory to speak of. The MC doesn't even actually want to go to Wichita. There is no conflict, and therefor no resolution.

An even bigger reason is that, aside from witnessing a lot of disgusting scenery, this guy is simply along for the ride. It's not a ride he likes, but it becomes obvious that he can't get away; when he tries, it doesn't work. He can't be harmed, either: whenever something looks like it might actually threaten him, the tour guide (or some deus ex machina) pulls him out without a scratch.

Worst of all is that this character is unable to act at all of his own volition (eliminating even the possibility of conflict; see above). The tour guide made a most disingenuous statement at the end, when he said,

"Congratulations!" the old man said, standing next to me. "You've made it back. I didn't think you had the will do to so."


Sorry, but his will had nothing to do with it; he was pushed, dragged, and magicked every inch of the way, against his will.

Keep trying, Mr. Gonzalez.
I was raised by humans. What's your excuse?

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