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Lady Killer by Rick Jankowski

PostPosted: July 04, 2005, 09:46:31 AM
by unforgibbon
I believe this story has one fundamental problem that prevents it from being a successful piece: it telegraphs everything from start to finish. I never once found myself puzzling over what was going to happen.<br><br>For example, I think the products purchased from Seifer's should be far more disparate and mysterious. The reader should be wondering what the heck is he going to do with those things?<br><br>I am one of the most easily duped readers here, so I'm curious if others felt the same way about this and if anyone has suggestions for Rick on how to "fuzz" things up.<br><br>Dan E.

Re: Lady Killer by Rick Jankowski

PostPosted: July 09, 2005, 02:21:20 PM
by dsullivan
I have to agree with Dan all the way on this one. I knew right off that Lawrence would eventually use all three products. I knew right off that Lawrence was the killer. And I knew right off that Miriam would turn the tables on him. I knew because, as Dan pointed out, it was all telegraphed. The element of suspense just wasn't there.<br><br>The story had great potential. It was well written and had a great plot. IMO, if Rick went back over the story and made a change here and there to throw in a little suspense, he'd have a super story.<br><br>Donald