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Assalam Aleikum

PostPosted: June 18, 2005, 07:34:15 AM
by javanmard
I have to say I liked this story and not for the reasons you'd think. <br><br>The way this story went and the description of the main character, Mahmoud, made it very easy to read, without being predictable. I would have liked a little more description, especially of the costume.<br><br>Frank, if you're reading this, even though I live in Dubai, my Arabic is really bad, but I just wanted to make one comment.<br><br>The words Assalum Aleikum, (meaning Peace upon you) are traditional GREETINGS in Arabic and most of the muslim world. The Arabic phrase for goodbye is, Ma'salamah, (meaning go in peace). This is purely Arabic, and will for the most not be shared by other muslim communites. This is just FYI, because its a fairly widespread misconception that Assalam Aleikum is an interchangeable as a greeting and a way to say goodbye. Technically it is, but its just not used that way anymore. <br><br>Great story though....

Re: Assalam Aleikum

PostPosted: June 25, 2005, 09:30:19 AM
by unforgibbon
Wow, what a great story. I mean it kind of made me misty eyed. What a resonant story. <br><br>Total post-9/11 fantasy, when the American Dream seems to have crumbled with the towers. <br><br>It may not be technically perfect, but, wow, what a great story.<br><br>Dan E.

Re: Assalam Aleikum

PostPosted: June 27, 2005, 11:55:10 AM
by Frank_Byrns
javanmard -<br><br>Thanks for the help. I know very little (OK, nothing at all) about Arabic. <br><br>I actually learned the phrase from friends of mine who are Black Muslim, who do use it as a goodbye, as well, to mean "God be with you". The response is usually "Alaakum Asalaam", which I understood to mean roughly "and with you". <br><br>Thanks again for the insight -- glad you liked it!

Re: Assalam Aleikum

PostPosted: June 30, 2005, 08:12:27 PM
by kailhofer
Well done, Frank!<br><br>Last time out, I suggested some more description and more work on motivation... Don't know if you read that or not, but you did a heck of a good job of it here. <br><br>I'd still suggest employing more of the senses to add to the depth and feel of the setting, but this is a minor quibble. I had a way better image in my head of the shop, the riot cage, the alley behind the shop, & even the spot where the shootout took place than in Adonis' cab or the bar in "Barflies." <br><br>And it helped. Mahmoud's shop spoke to me, and helped strike a cord of sympathy. I admired the stubborn desire to keep his shop open and succeed by doing the right thing. <br><br>The whole story leads to the twist and double meaning of the American dream. It was all about what drives and motivates him, and despite his meta abilities, I think this fellow might be the most human character of your set. <br><br>The pace might have been a teeny bit slow as the interior monologue tells rather than shows his past, but it was good human motivation source material, and it helped support the ending. <br><br>Other than two little nitpicks, I can't say enough good things here. Well crafted plot, good character development... Plus, the ending tied back in with the opener admirably.<br><br><br>Top drawer material.<br><br>Nate