The Hole Story by Ed Sullivan


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Post August 24, 2014, 09:21:03 PM

The Hole Story by Ed Sullivan

This dialogue between two characters feels like a grim fairy tale, a fable in some timeless wood. If it were present day, the protagonist would call park rangers on his satellite phone, and a helicopter would fly to the rescue.
But Hansel and Gretel practiced the buddy system, and even Little Red Riding Hood was indoctrinated to stranger danger. Mr. Sullivan’s protagonist seems a bit naïve to me. I think the plot depends on the character being dumber than he is curious. It stretches my sense of plausibility.
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Post August 24, 2014, 09:48:17 PM

Re: The Hole Story by Ed Sullivan

This story was really just a basic writing exercise where I tried to create something complete without breaking into descriptive narrative through the story. I used only dialogue. I added the last line when I realized it wasn't half bad and submitted it. John liked it enough to keep it around and then put it out before leaving. I saw it's weaknesses myself but was unable to come up with a way to make it much better without violating the concept that drove me to write it overly much.
Remember: when people tell you something’s wrong or doesn’t work for them, they are almost always right. When they tell you exactly what they think is wrong and how to fix it, they are almost always wrong. – Neil Gaiman
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Post August 31, 2014, 02:43:56 AM

Re: The Hole Story by Ed Sullivan

I saw the ending (or one similar) coming fairly early; it maybe owes something to the "Don't go down in that basement!" trope in the slasher movies. Or maybe to an old (VERY old) SNL skit.

"Candy-gram."

I liked the periodic silences.

A quick bit of light fun, but the dialog was very stiff without the normal use of contractions. Maybe this was an old piece?

Your no-narration experiment worked fairly well, but with no character names, it got a little confusing at one point.

Streamline the dialog and you might get some traction out of this. Of course, everyone will know what's going to happen; the fun is in seeing how it happens.
I was raised by humans. What's your excuse?

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