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Three Worlds by Ed Sullivan

PostPosted: June 18, 2014, 11:04:46 AM
by QuietWhisper
This story grabbed my attention with its conflict between the earthlings and the aliens. Mr. Sullivan does a fine job writing dialogue for an assortment of roles.
I had some trouble following the story: I was confused by “they” and “their.” The writer changed “whole world” and “entire fleet” from singulars to plurals as he developed his paragraphs.
QW

Re: Three Worlds by Ed Sullivan

PostPosted: June 18, 2014, 11:31:19 AM
by EddieSullivan
I have said it before kids:
Writing drunk is ok. (Papa Hemingway said so!)
But always do your editing sober! :oops:

Re: Three Worlds by Ed Sullivan

PostPosted: June 18, 2014, 11:38:06 AM
by EddieSullivan
I am in the process of finding a writing partner who I can cross edit with. I seem to suffer badly from writer's blindness while editing.

Re: Three Worlds by Ed Sullivan

PostPosted: June 26, 2014, 04:25:10 PM
by rick tornello
I must be loosing it and or missing something, but here again, the twist ending doesn't work too well. Another story that need a better intro that helps to closes the idea at the end.

RT

Re: Three Worlds by Ed Sullivan

PostPosted: July 04, 2014, 05:59:59 PM
by Lester Curtis
The last scene has very little connection with the rest of the story, and that connection is only whatever the reader supplies. Oh, yeah, it's that third world suggested by the title. Sorry, that isn't enough.

I did have to laugh at the quote:
Told you so!

I also enjoyed the statements by the various world leaders. You have a nice touch with humor.

You could have left this as a pure cautionary tale about hubris and it would have been better. You've got a few word choices that need reworked. Learn from your mistakes, Eddie; I already know you'll keep writing.

Re: Three Worlds by Ed Sullivan

PostPosted: July 04, 2014, 09:07:51 PM
by Mark Edgemon
Lester Curtis wrote:The last scene has very little connection with the rest of the story, and that connection is only whatever the reader supplies. Oh, yeah, it's that third world suggested by the title. Sorry, that isn't enough.

I did have to laugh at the quote:
Told you so!

I also enjoyed the statements by the various world leaders. You have a nice touch with humor.

You could have left this as a pure cautionary tale about hubris and it would have been better. You've got a few word choices that need reworked. Learn from your mistakes, Eddie; I already know you'll keep writing.

You have become quite a talented reviewer/critiquer, Lester! Lots of compassion in these critiques tonight, relating to the writer's feelings and yet hard, sound advice to improve their craft.

Top Notch!

Re: Three Worlds by Ed Sullivan

PostPosted: July 05, 2014, 12:41:18 PM
by Lester Curtis
Mark Edgemon wrote:You have become quite a talented reviewer/critiquer, Lester! Lots of compassion in these critiques tonight, relating to the writer's feelings and yet hard, sound advice to improve their craft.

Top Notch!

Thanks, Mark. It doesn't happen passively; at least for me it didn't. I learned a lot of this by participating in critique groups, and I still have more to learn.

Sometimes I'll read a piece and the first thing that comes to my mind is, "That's awful!" (or something worse). Those are the hard ones (along with the ones that are so good you just want to hop up and down and grin). I have to make myself study the thing to find something helpful to say about it.

Re: Three Worlds by Ed Sullivan

PostPosted: July 05, 2014, 01:57:51 PM
by EddieSullivan
I hope I at least wasn't the first if I couldn't be the second.

Re: Three Worlds by Ed Sullivan

PostPosted: July 05, 2014, 11:38:17 PM
by Lester Curtis
EddieSullivan wrote:I hope I at least wasn't the first if I couldn't be the second.

Not to worry. I've written worse stuff myself. I'm just not gonna tell you where to find it. :lol:

Re: Three Worlds by Ed Sullivan

PostPosted: July 06, 2014, 08:02:40 AM
by EddieSullivan
Ha now I do feel better. THANKS LESTER! Now to Google to find the literary equivalent of your sex tapes! :lol:

Re: Three Worlds by Ed Sullivan

PostPosted: July 06, 2014, 12:56:18 PM
by Lester Curtis
EddieSullivan wrote:Ha now I do feel better. THANKS LESTER! Now to Google to find the literary equivalent of your sex tapes! :lol:

There is a little of that, actually, but that's not the worst writing I've done. Please make the distinction between naughty and badly-written. (All right, some of that was badly written, too.) :lol:

Now and again I need to remind myself of my early efforts. Otherwise I might chew someone out for doing a thing wrong, when they'd never been taught to do it right.