Immunity by E.S. Strout


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Post May 06, 2014, 07:56:37 AM

Immunity by E.S. Strout

Exceptional. Well written. Story is good and end is great. I do think you may alienate some readers unnecessarily with what seems to be commentary on Obamacare. It is best not to seem to preach on any issue which is volatile so you don't put off a potential audience. But that is my opinion on writing etiquette which could also be deemed preachy. So only take it for what it is worth.
Remember: when people tell you something’s wrong or doesn’t work for them, they are almost always right. When they tell you exactly what they think is wrong and how to fix it, they are almost always wrong. – Neil Gaiman

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Post May 06, 2014, 09:14:29 PM

Re: Immunity by E.S. Strout

Thanks Eddie,

Re: Obamacare. Folks in my age group will not be as affected because we have Medicare. Obamacare is here to stay, and the rest of you will have a tough road ahead.

gino

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Post May 27, 2014, 01:04:23 PM

pet peeve

This
E.S. Strout in 'Immunity' wrote:"I could call in a few markers, Emily. What do you have in mind?

She explained.

He nodded. "I'll start making calls to people I trust right now. We must act at once and be the soul of caution."

breaks the narrative point of view.

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Post May 27, 2014, 07:41:11 PM

Re: Immunity by E.S. Strout

Thank you for the comment, vates. POV interruption or not, these passages help move the story on to its inevitable conclusion.

gino
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Post May 27, 2014, 07:45:48 PM

Re: Immunity by E.S. Strout

I thought this was just a tiny bit shrill and over-dramatic, but I like the way it ended.

Actually, I was hoping the Fat Bastard would somehow contract HIV himself--and then be put on a twenty-year waiting list for treatment. >:D
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Post May 28, 2014, 10:38:50 AM

Re: Immunity by E.S. Strout

Thanks, Lester. That could be an alternate ending. Obamacare strikes again.

gino

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Post May 31, 2014, 10:50:49 PM

Re: Immunity by E.S. Strout

You're really gifted, Gino! Your body of stories should be in a literary collection and illustrated.

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