Post April 07, 2014, 09:28:11 PM

Riddle of the Pyramid by Botond Teklesz

Botond I think this is a terrific concept for flash fiction. The flow of your grammar was a little choppy. I saw from your bio that English is your second language so I assume that is a contributing factor. I myself wouldn't dare to write in a second language. I am lucky I do fairly well in English. The premise is good and the hanging end is written good enough. The hanging end in flash is an art unto itself. You have to cut the story off but not in a way that the reader feels cheated. I am guessing you are at a little over 400 words in this at a glance. You should explore the length parameters a little more. I myself have found that if I am well under 500 words that there is a good chance I should use the remaining 250-500 words to add flavor to the piece. Flash Fiction is short enough without shorting yourself on words. In the end congrats on a good piece!
Remember: when people tell you something’s wrong or doesn’t work for them, they are almost always right. When they tell you exactly what they think is wrong and how to fix it, they are almost always wrong. – Neil Gaiman