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Vacation 2156 by Renee Harden

PostPosted: April 07, 2014, 08:39:57 PM
by EddieSullivan
This is science fiction but it evokes that good old cold war fear. Only if you reached the age of reason before the collapse of the USSR can you really understand the subtle fear that is laced into this piece. It reminds me of the golden age sci fi cautionary tales. Good job. I like where it ended too but as a big fan of flash I am partial to abrupt endings that make you think past them on your own.

Re: Vacation 2156 by Renee Harden

PostPosted: April 08, 2014, 05:13:44 PM
by Neybug
I was very nervous for people to read and critique this! This is my first sci fi short story. I'm working on another one right now. Thank you for the review!
Renee Harden

Re: Vacation 2156 by Renee Harden

PostPosted: April 08, 2014, 06:28:17 PM
by EddieSullivan
I enjoyed it. It was paid quality. If you had a bundle of these you could self publish on Kindle and I think they would sell. Keep it up. I look forward to the next one.

Re: Vacation 2156 by Renee Harden

PostPosted: April 15, 2014, 12:51:31 AM
by Lester Curtis
Wow, great stuff.

'Great vacation' indeed . . . "Watch out the window, kids, you can see the End of Everything!"

I like the way the main character was portrayed, very believable. And I can't help thinking of how she'll remember this moment when she's older.

Re: Vacation 2156 by Renee Harden

PostPosted: May 03, 2014, 10:17:19 PM
by davidsonhero
Renee,

I really liked this story. I thought the tension was great. Will they make it to the lift on time? Will there be a mob of other people when they get there?

I'll second Ed's point about cold war fear and the possibility of a nuclear war. Your story made me think of the movie Panic in the Year Zero from 1962 which is about a family that heads out on a camping trip from their home in Los Angeles the same day as a nuclear attack. Their morals are tested as society crumbles around them. They have to make choices similar to the characters in your story. Do they tell the people they meet who don't know about the disaster yet? In the movie they are a little reluctant to tell the people they meet since anyone they tell will then want the same limited resources they need, food, gas, guns and ammunition, all much like the lift space in your story. In the movie the family tries to help others, but not to the point of hurting their own chances of survival.

I wasn't sure how your story was going to end. I saw a couple other possibilities. At one point I thought the father might sacrifice himself so the other child could go on the lift, or that he might try forcing the lift operator to allow the mother and her child to get on, or that the lift operator would find out about the disaster and then try to force his own way onto the lift. (Or that they would swap the raccoon for the other child. :)) I liked your ending though. It was really sad. Two seats in the lift went up empty and everyone onboard probably knew about the disaster. And yet they couldn't save the poor mother and her son. It is a commentary on how survival often boils down to having the right resources, i.e. money.

Re: Vacation 2156 by Renee Harden

PostPosted: May 07, 2014, 11:24:00 PM
by Neybug
Thank you for the commentary guys! Need to get going and finish some more stuff.