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I Drink the World Poison by McCamy Taylor

PostPosted: March 03, 2014, 02:45:15 PM
by EddieSullivan
This was awesome! I don't know what else to say. It is a short like this that makes me glad I joined this community.

Re: I Drink the World Poison by McCamy Taylor

PostPosted: March 04, 2014, 10:53:40 AM
by H Y Hill
Overall, I liked the story. The ending was great. However, for me, I felt that the beginning was not engaging enough. I mean, it didn't really pull my interest. The introduction to the world of the story felt quite rushed, akin to an info dump. Rather than a composition style, interactions or dialogues would make it more engaging, though it will take up more words.

I do like the world building. It had depth and is really interesting.

Re: I Drink the World Poison by McCamy Taylor

PostPosted: March 04, 2014, 10:53:45 AM
by Neybug
Oh wow I loved this one! Such a good story. I would read a full length book about this for sure!

Re: I Drink the World Poison by McCamy Taylor

PostPosted: March 04, 2014, 11:07:56 AM
by Mark Edgemon
Welcome H Y Hill and Neybug to the review section. Keep the reviews flowing. We can all benefit from your fresh perspectives.

Re: I Drink the World Poison by McCamy Taylor

PostPosted: March 07, 2014, 01:11:23 PM
by vates
H Y Hill wrote: Rather than a composition style, interactions or dialogues would make it more engaging, though it will take up more words.

Interactions and dialogs. Well. I'm aware that that technique is quite fashionable. But it also might have its limitations. If your main character ist hiding a terrible secret and consciously trying to keep social contacts at a minium, telling a story via interactions and dialogs might result in one of the following:
  • A very dull story
  • A main character very out of character
  • Utterly unnatural dialog
  • A very different story

Re: I Drink the World Poison by McCamy Taylor

PostPosted: March 11, 2014, 08:12:49 AM
by Megawatts
Love the "hir" and "s/he" usage. Is this usage becoming a replacement for he/she? I mean in the grammar sense and not the Male/Female sense. Heh, heh just had to get that one in. Really I don’t have any idea on or what the “hir” or “S/he” is. I think the "S/he" is shorten for “She/he” in the subjective case and the “hir” is “His/Her” in the possessive case in this story. Please inform me on this usage.

Nice intro: Docking the reader’s interest to the story by using “Fascist Butcher.” The next paragraph teaches us how to measure one’s worth.

That is what I always liked about McCamy’ stories. And her style reminds me of the writings of Ann Rice, the vampire novelist. Rice often describes architecture with the travels of her vampires from century to century. And occasionally bits of philosophy.

For me, elements of this story are not too far out. In Viet-Nam today, many mangled and deformed children are the results of America’s involvement in that country. Agent Orange was dumped over everyone, and this story touched a nerve with me concerning the use of that chemical. I served in Viet-Nam and have Agent Orange.

Good dialogue and McCamy balanced the show and tell techniques very well! Nice. And the surreal images that the characters’s projected, could be felt by McCamy’s use of subtle sensory inputs like this one: “Roman asks Adeline for the fish sauce.” This is near the beginning of the story, and the smell and even the taste of fish sauce come to mind. Good one. And if we search, we find other examples of the correct amounts of sensory input needed. Another good example of balance!

The characters in the story are the products of a true sci-fi mind, one that can give us something different, but behaving like a human with human trials and errors. Good job.