Page 1 of 1

Late Summer Sunset in Ramblewood, Texas by Jay Hill

PostPosted: October 23, 2013, 08:59:40 PM
by davidsonhero
Jay,

I think this is a really interesting and thought provoking poem.
I do like the first and third stanzas better than the second. I think the enjambment works best in the first stanza in lines like "a soft sound like shucking / Corn, passive, mindless" and "The winds blowing / Autumn from the northwest..." where the enjambment creates more levels of meaning or emphasis.

In the second stanza the enjambments seem less purposeful: "we are responsible, go / in cars to asphalt parking / Lots..."
Of course maybe this was intentional to emphasize the disjointedness of modern life that you are describing in the second stanza. In that case I will simply stand here and give you a slow clap. 8)

Overall a really beautiful poem.

John

Re: Late Summer Sunset in Ramblewood, Texas by Jay Hill

PostPosted: October 28, 2013, 03:08:38 PM
by Jay_Hill
Wow! Thank you sir! For kind words indeed.

As for the enjambment, the second stanza was supposed to feel disjointed, but it was not as intentional as you give me credit for... :-)

This poem was originally part of a longer piece, and the second stanza came from a different section, that in hind sight, maybe should have been crafted a little more....

But thanks again for the kind words. I was (and still am) definitely proud of this one!