Post September 13, 2013, 09:35:32 PM

Re: The Hartfield Creature by Dominic Lennard

This would have been a lot better if the story line were linear, instead of being so oddly disrupted. I think the first part suffers the most, when you've got things like
No one could remember seeing Jack Fuller for at least a year.
and
Connie MacDonald's daughter was a practicing witch.
inserted into the background narration. Those two especially; they made no sense, since we hadn't met those characters at all yet.

Then there's the very short section that's out of sequence. After that, it proceeds in order, but those items are pretty confusing.

Also, I was beginning to expect more from that sword, since you spent quite a bit of wordage on it, but then it just gets chucked when it's no longer any more useful than a stick. That was a bit disappointing; important props should do something notable in a story, like maybe kill the bad guy.

Interesting theme, though, of the guy's progressive descent into animalistic madness.
I was raised by humans. What's your excuse?