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Previously Loved by Anthony R. Pezzula

PostPosted: March 20, 2013, 06:42:23 PM
by Lester Curtis
open sez me

Re: Previously Loved by Anthony R. Pezzula

PostPosted: April 02, 2013, 04:06:34 PM
by Robert_Moriyama
Have you ever bought a used car only to discover that SOMETHING in it is making a funny noise? Or maybe the noise isn't "funny" at all...

Re: Previously Loved by Anthony R. Pezzula

PostPosted: April 05, 2013, 11:06:29 AM
by Verse
I don't think that last paragraph is needed, in my opinion. If 'Liz Taylor Girl' could communicate through the the radio the whole time why did she need the drama of ghostly thumping in the trunk and the time-delay corpse scene. I'm pretty sure that if I saw a woman decaying in the trunk of a car, in front of my eyes, her earings would be the last thing I noticed.

As for pushing the "previously loved" metaphore, Mulrooney's is way out of this league:

Image

Re: Previously Loved by Anthony R. Pezzula

PostPosted: April 13, 2013, 03:19:32 PM
by Lester Curtis
Verse wrote:I don't think that last paragraph is needed, in my opinion. If 'Liz Taylor Girl' could communicate through the the radio the whole time why did she need the drama of ghostly thumping in the trunk and the time-delay corpse scene. I'm pretty sure that if I saw a woman decaying in the trunk of a car, in front of my eyes, her earings would be the last thing I noticed.

Well, think about it: How likely was it that the guy would stop and look in the trunk because of a weirdly-behaving radio? But I agree with you about him noticing the earrings on Corpsey-Woman.

The part that I don't think is needed is the scene at the traffic light. Why was she there, wandering around randomly? If she'd wanted to haunt the car, she should have stayed with it. That might have provided some other material for the story, such as why Mulrooney was selling it at a really low price and seemed strangely nervous being in it, or some such.

One very annoying example of a missing comma:

Phil kept his eyes open for any cops figuring this might be an opportunity to check out the Mustang's power,
It should follow 'cops,' of course.

Not bad, otherwise; it held my interest.

Re: Previously Loved by Anthony R. Pezzula

PostPosted: April 16, 2013, 08:10:41 AM
by TaoPhoenix
(Early Context Style Notes Cont.)

"The car caught his eye right away, and he took it for a test drive accompanied by the salesman who detailed all its features as Phil half listened. He knew right away the 2007 black Mustang was the car he wanted and had to have."

Okay, this time we have a definite timestamp marker. Now we do have to make a quick check on precise dating, because why does someone want a 2007 car and not a 2013 model?

"It was Mulrooney's annual "previously loved" car sale." Got it - used car. Hunch is going to say this story is not deliberately set exactly in some year like 2010, so then we can go back to Now/Forward. But is it Forward, and if so how much? Scanning the plot says it's another case when it doesn't seem to matter within a few year timeframe.


Misc Note: "Phil Connors" makes an appearance. Was the movie Groundhog Day an influence?