Sugarhouse story by Adam "Bucho" Rodenberger


Tell us what you thought about the February 2013 issue.

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Post February 18, 2013, 12:36:22 PM

Sugarhouse story by Adam "Bucho" Rodenberger

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Post March 14, 2013, 01:36:14 AM

All dressed up and nowhere to go.

This story had a great deal of especially nice descriptive prose in it, but overall it was just dreary. It failed to evoke any strong feeling in me. The story gave the impression that Martin was the main character, but he really didn't play much of a part in it at all -- no conflict, no resolution, no denouement. His internal state is consistently one of simple bafflement, nothing else. For my money, the story didn't even have a climax.

After the third repetition, I started skimming past the material that was being used over and over and over again. This technique would work for a movie, but it doesn't work at all well in print.

I wish I could think of a better way to accomplish the same effect . . . maybe reducing the amount of material that gets repeated? I don't know, but the repetition is just too much.

The scene of the man examining the dollhouse felt like it should have led somewhere, but it didn't. Same with the scene in which he went out at night and fell in the ditch. When I begin reading a focused and detailed scene like this, I expect it to lead to something. These moments stand out in contrast, but go nowhere.

I was a little surprised and quite a bit disappointed that the wife went and killed herself. How did she get up there, anyway?

Concerning the incident of falling in the ditch, I wondered if perhaps it was the man's way of trying to kill himself. No clue given.

I only caught a couple of punctuation errors.
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Post March 20, 2013, 07:10:19 AM

Re: All dressed up and nowhere to go.

Lester Curtis wrote:This story had a great deal of especially nice descriptive prose in it, but overall it was just dreary. It failed to evoke any strong feeling in me. The story gave the impression that Martin was the main character, but he really didn't play much of a part in it at all -- no conflict, no resolution, no denouement. His internal state is consistently one of simple bafflement, nothing else. For my money, the story didn't even have a climax.

After the third repetition, I started skimming past the material that was being used over and over and over again. This technique would work for a movie, but it doesn't work at all well in print.

I wish I could think of a better way to accomplish the same effect . . . maybe reducing the amount of material that gets repeated? I don't know, but the repetition is just too much.


I know, the dangers of commenting without a detailed premise etc etc, but since this story is still here per Robert M's note of the dearth of long stories, I glanced at it.

One aspect that's bothering me a lot now is that in a sense it "abuses" the style device of the repetition. After the first few times when everyone realizes that the man's condition is here and not faked etc, if it were me in that scenario I'd make either a voice recording or a document marked "Listen To Me/ Read Me" for the bed side the following morning.

So yes, good effort but the concept feels a little brittle.

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