Editor Emeritus
Posts: 2528
Joined: December 31, 1969, 08:00:00 PM
Location: Mass, USA
This story had a great deal of especially nice descriptive prose in it, but overall it was just dreary. It failed to evoke any strong feeling in me. The story gave the impression that Martin was the main character, but he really didn't play much of a part in it at all -- no conflict, no resolution, no denouement. His internal state is consistently one of simple bafflement, nothing else. For my money, the story didn't even have a climax.
After the third repetition, I started skimming past the material that was being used over and over and over again. This technique would work for a movie, but it doesn't work at all well in print.
I wish I could think of a better way to accomplish the same effect . . . maybe reducing the amount of material that gets repeated? I don't know, but the repetition is just too much.
The scene of the man examining the dollhouse felt like it should have led somewhere, but it didn't. Same with the scene in which he went out at night and fell in the ditch. When I begin reading a focused and detailed scene like this, I expect it to lead to something. These moments stand out in contrast, but go nowhere.
I was a little surprised and quite a bit disappointed that the wife went and killed herself. How did she get up there, anyway?
Concerning the incident of falling in the ditch, I wondered if perhaps it was the man's way of trying to kill himself. No clue given.
I only caught a couple of punctuation errors.