Less of Her by I. Verse


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Post August 15, 2012, 11:14:08 PM

Less of Her by I. Verse

Seamless, complex and touching, with a surprise at the end.

I think I've read better stuff, but I can't remember what it was. Reminds me a lot of Bradbury.

I could easily imagine this one making the Year's Best list. Read it.
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Post August 16, 2012, 04:01:45 PM

Re: Less of Her by I. Verse

Agree with Lester. Very well done story. I enjoyed the steam punk sideswipe, plus the 3D printing.

In general, I felt like I had entered a world that I wouldn't otherwise voluntarily enter. But the story was so well done I couldn't leave until I was allowed to.

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Post August 16, 2012, 04:05:26 PM

Re: Less of Her by I. Verse

OMG! This is a great story! Loved it! Will probably never forget it! We need a clapping smilies icon, so I can express in pictures just how good this story is. A must read!

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Post August 16, 2012, 09:23:50 PM

All Smiles

McCamy_Taylor wrote:OMG! This is a great story! Loved it! Will probably never forget it! We need a clapping smilies icon, so I can express in pictures just how good this story is. A must read!

Here you go McCamy! Image
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Post August 18, 2012, 11:19:05 AM

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Post August 21, 2012, 01:56:30 PM

Re: Less of Her by I. Verse

That story was disquieting, to put it mildly. Odd, weird, strange. I know that people sell their kidneys - or at least I've heard of that - but come on now. Was it just so she could live comfortably? And why do the lovers have to both be women when the author is a guy - at least I think he is. The girls act like men, so why not write what ja know? The girl on girl thing has been done to death.
Unless Verse really is a girl, on the web no one knows you're a girl.
Anyways, Verse always does a good job writing, and I know the plotline is plausable, if DISTURBING. I'm going to pet the dog's face with my cursor hand now, until I calm down.
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Post August 22, 2012, 04:03:21 AM

Re: Less of Her by I. Verse

bottomdweller wrote:That story was disquieting, to put it mildly. Odd, weird, strange. I know that people sell their kidneys - or at least I've heard of that - but come on now. Was it just so she could live comfortably? And why do the lovers have to both be women when the author is a guy - at least I think he is. The girls act like men, so why not write what ja know? The girl on girl thing has been done to death.
Unless Verse really is a girl, on the web no one knows you're a girl.
Anyways, Verse always does a good job writing, and I know the plotline is plausable, if DISTURBING. I'm going to pet the dog's face with my cursor hand now, until I calm down.


Best. Review. Yet. 'Disturbing' was exactly what I was aiming for.

Hmmm! Yes, okay. A confession. One member of my writing group has found commercial success writing gay erotica. Supernatural romance gay erotica, no less. And she (yes, she's a she) was writing a ghostly ménage a trios tale. So, as a joke, I said I'd write a cybernetic lesbian love story involving tentacles (no one mentions the tentacle). In my defence, my story is a hell of a lot tamer than Kiran Hunter's work, although her's sells better.

Better not submit my Zombie BDSM story here then. >:D
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Post August 22, 2012, 04:08:58 AM

Re: Less of Her by I. Verse

Verse wrote:...I said I'd write a cybernetic lesbian love story involving tentacles (no one mentions the tentacle).

In your stories, the guys all have at least two tentacles...right?
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Post August 22, 2012, 09:08:46 AM

Re: Less of Her by I. Verse

Mark Edgemon wrote:In your stories, the guys all have at least two tentacles...right?

There were no guys in the story, I think that's what Michelle was complaining about.
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Post August 22, 2012, 09:14:44 AM

Re: Less of Her by I. Verse

Verse wrote:
Mark Edgemon wrote:In your stories, the guys all have at least two tentacles...right?

There were no guys in the story, I think that's what Michelle was complaining about.


Naw -- she doesn't like the "adult" stuff here in our fine Family Publication or anywhere else. (I'm assuming that she is not reading the "Fifty Shades of Grey" books under the covers with a flashlight as we speak.)

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Post August 22, 2012, 12:12:21 PM

Re: Less of Her by I. Verse

Naw -- she doesn't like the "adult" stuff here in our fine Family Publication or anywhere else. (I'm assuming that she is not reading the "Fifty Shades of Grey" books under the covers with a flashlight as we speak.)

I don't read that stuff - I've lived it (A Fisherman's Guide to Bottomdwellers) - come on peeps!
My point is this: the stories that I write that reach into a reader's chest and pull out their beating heart are stories about MY experience - as a woman, a mother, a grandmother.
Write what ja no! Da and No Da!
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Post August 23, 2012, 05:59:24 AM

Re: Less of Her by I. Verse

bottomdweller wrote: The girls act like men,

May I be so bold as to ask just what in the story makes you say so?
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Post August 23, 2012, 11:48:49 AM

Re: Less of Her by I. Verse

bottomdweller wrote:
I don't read that stuff - I've lived it (A Fisherman's Guide to Bottomdwellers)
. . . and I take it that that document was authored by your three ex-husbands . . . :twisted:
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Post August 23, 2012, 03:44:26 PM

Re: Less of Her by I. Verse

I'm a woman and the characters in "Less of Her" seemed just like women to me, since women are taught to be extremely conscious of their bodies/looks/fashion. I think if the characters were changed to men, the story would not seem as plausible (though it would certainly be possible since some men are fashion conscious). And since it is a new/disturbing concept, anything that makes it more plausible helps in grounding it in a (pretend) reality.

Re: sex in stories, why not? It makes stories more realistic. Re: gay sex in stories, homosexuality is still somewhat taboo, and therefore if you make it seem perfectly normal in the context of your story, you give your story a futuristic morality which adds to the futuristic setting and technology.
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Post August 23, 2012, 08:32:45 PM

Re: Less of Her by I. Verse

I didn't think the girls acted like men, either. And, the lesbian aspect of the story didn't bother me nearly as much as the sale of body parts. Even that didn't give me a shock as much as a deep sense of sadness, that someone would do that to themselves. It's like self-mutilation, and I can't imagine she was doing it because she couldn't find another way to make an income. Maybe even worse than self-mutilation; a complete apathy or indifference toward her own body and her sense of self.
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Post August 23, 2012, 08:52:04 PM

Re: Less of Her by I. Verse

McCamy_Taylor wrote:I'm a woman and the characters in "Less of Her" seemed just like women to me, since women are taught to be extremely conscious of their bodies/looks/fashion. I think if the characters were changed to men, the story would not seem as plausible (though it would certainly be possible since some men are fashion conscious). And since it is a new/disturbing concept, anything that makes it more plausible helps in grounding it in a (pretend) reality.

Re: sex in stories, why not? It makes stories more realistic. Re: gay sex in stories, homosexuality is still somewhat taboo, and therefore if you make it seem perfectly normal in the context of your story, you give your story a futuristic morality which adds to the futuristic setting and technology.


Lester Curtis wrote:I didn't think the girls acted like men, either. And, the lesbian aspect of the story didn't bother me nearly as much as the sale of body parts. Even that didn't give me a shock as much as a deep sense of sadness, that someone would do that to themselves. It's like self-mutilation, and I can't imagine she was doing it because she couldn't find another way to make an income. Maybe even worse than self-mutilation; a complete apathy or indifference toward her own body and her sense of self.


My goodness, we have some deep, insightful people here :!:
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Post August 24, 2012, 08:03:09 AM

Re: Less of Her by I. Verse

Men writing stories about lesbians is as absurd to me as white men singing in blackface - keyword Al Jolsen singing Mammy. I would not write an article or story using a gay man as the main character because I haven't lived my life as a gay man. I would not write a story with the main character being unemployed black men in a downtown setting - as I have never lived life as an unemployed black man - and anything I write would be a caricature at best.
The lesbian liason adds nothing to the story and distracts from the plot. This woman on woman sex is the WORSE KIND of female objectification imaginable.
Really, the author even said he made a bet of sorts with a friend to see if he could write a believable story about lesbians - and I called him on it, so what?
The main characters are stick figures because the author has no real insight into the lesbian experience - because not only is he not a lesbian, he's not even a woman.
Here's a brand new, fresh idea people: WRITE WHAT YOU KNOW!!! I guess I'm the first person in the history of literature to come up with this revolutionary approach.
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Post August 24, 2012, 08:31:11 AM

Re: Less of Her by I. Verse

bottomdweller wrote:The main characters are stick figures because the author has no real insight into the lesbian experience - because not only is he not a lesbian, he's not even a woman.
Here's a brand new, fresh idea people: WRITE WHAT YOU KNOW!!! I guess I'm the first person in the history of literature to come up with this revolutionary approach.


First of all, no picking on Bottomdweller; she's not the only person to say the characters were not convincingly female, and I value her opinions.
Second of all, I do know exactly what it's like to be awkward and nerdy and start a relationship with someone who thinks you're something else, and I hope some of that came through in the story.
Thirdly, why does no one believe I really am just a small Jack Russell Terrier? ;D
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Post August 24, 2012, 08:49:02 AM

Re: Less of Her by I. Verse

Also, some insight to the male fascination with Lesbianism can be found here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vKGK2fplV_w

Steve is trying to justify the merits of the film 'Lesbian Spank Inferno' to his girlfriend. This is from the British comedy 'Coupling', which has been helpfully subtitled for you 'merkins out there.
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Post August 24, 2012, 09:29:33 AM

Re: Less of Her by I. Verse

bottomdweller wrote:Men writing stories about lesbians is as absurd to me as white men singing in blackface - keyword Al Jolsen singing Mammy. I would not write an article or story using a gay man as the main character because I haven't lived my life as a gay man. I would not write a story with the main character being unemployed black men in a downtown setting - as I have never lived life as an unemployed black man - and anything I write would be a caricature at best.
The lesbian liason adds nothing to the story and distracts from the plot. This woman on woman sex is the WORSE KIND of female objectification imaginable.
Really, the author even said he made a bet of sorts with a friend to see if he could write a believable story about lesbians - and I called him on it, so what?
The main characters are stick figures because the author has no real insight into the lesbian experience - because not only is he not a lesbian, he's not even a woman.
Here's a brand new, fresh idea people: WRITE WHAT YOU KNOW!!! I guess I'm the first person in the history of literature to come up with this revolutionary approach.


Hmm... I'm pretty sure you've written some stories with male protagonists...
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Post August 24, 2012, 10:42:23 AM

Re: Less of Her by I. Verse

Hmm... I'm pretty sure you've written some stories with male protagonists...

Yes indeedy - but I have not written about gay men having sex - because the only thing I could do is make ASSUMPTIONs about what it's like to be a gay male. I hang out at the Mag Bar in Old Louisville which is, on a scale of 1 to 10 in diversity, at least a 9. They even accept my asexuality. I would never disrespect my gay and lesbian friends by writing a story about the homosexual experience - unless I honestly put in months researching the gay experience and interviewing openly homosexual individuals. A well-informed story about lesbians is different than just throwing the concept in for thrills, or to win a bet.
I'm done now. I'm going to go over to the dog avatar and pet his nose with my cursor hand. It would be funny if Verse really was a jack russel dog - they are friendly and smart. I loved the one in The Artist. I have a small border collie named Daisy Dukes that I share my home with.
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Post August 24, 2012, 11:21:36 AM

Re: Less of Her by I. Verse

BD, if we only wrote what we know, we wouldn't BE on this forum!

Besides, measured by your own standards, if you don't know anything about lesbian relationships, then you're not qualified to critique the authenticity of the one in this story.

That's a false standard, I believe. We are all human here (avatars notwithstanding), and we all understand certain basic things about human behavior and emotion. One could write a passage describing someone's feelings of attraction to someone else without specifying who that someone else was -- and the description might ring true regardless of who or what the object of their affection was. The reader could say to himself, "Wow, I've felt that exact same thing . . . " and could then be shocked to find that the emotion was directed at, say, a garden slug. Or a garden tractor, or a particular tree. Or another person of the same gender. Love knows no bounds. I recently wrote a flash here about a man loving a crow. Were you convinced, or not?
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Post August 24, 2012, 12:48:10 PM

Re: Less of Her by I. Verse

Lester Curtis said:
...bullcrap, bullcrap, bullcrap...I like to read stories with hot lesbian sex...more bullcrap.

Yeah, I can see your point, Lester, yeah you're right.
Really, the crow in your story was way more fleshed-out than the main characters in Verse's story. Eh eh, Fleshed out...eh eh.
Verse is a really substantial talent as well, usually, so I'm not too worried about offending him. We'll meet up again soon in the Forum's Fun&Games section - the August 2012 Challenge - and THEN we'll see about it.
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Post August 24, 2012, 01:10:39 PM

Re: Less of Her by I. Verse

Verse wrote:Also, some insight to the male fascination with Lesbianism can be found here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vKGK2fplV_w

Steve is trying to justify the merits of the film 'Lesbian Spank Inferno' to his girlfriend. This is from the British comedy 'Coupling', which has been helpfully subtitled for you 'merkins out there.

Hilarious -- thanks!
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Post August 24, 2012, 01:47:29 PM

Re: Less of Her by I. Verse

bottomdweller wrote:Lester Curtis said:
...bullcrap, bullcrap, bullcrap...I like to read stories with hot lesbian sex...more bullcrap.

I call myself "asexual" but say I lived "Fifty Shades", so you can assume I don't like reading about sex because I didn't like the real thing. Also, my own experiences make me qualified to judge all other women's experiences and feelings, so there. Neener, neener, neener, I'm the queen and you're a peasant, also you smell quite unpleasant...


Hey, if you can call something a quote that only indicates that you "hear" other people the way Ginger the dog "hears" her master in the old Gary Larson cartoon ("Blah blah blah Ginger blah blah blah...), then so can I. (My fake quote, on the other hand, is at least partly based on thing you have said.) You don't like reading sex scenes, heterosexual ("soft porn") or otherwise. We get it. I may have to put a "may offend bottomdweller" warning on stories if this is how you will react every time. :?
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Post August 24, 2012, 04:06:06 PM

Re: Less of Her by I. Verse

Er... I don't remember any sex scenes, I think?

2 kisses, a reference to nudity and a tentacle, but no actual sex scenes.

Did you guys read the same story I wrote?
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Post August 24, 2012, 04:20:48 PM

Re: Less of Her by I. Verse

Verse wrote:Er... I don't remember any sex scenes, I think?

2 kisses, a reference to nudity and a tentacle, but no actual sex scenes.

Did you guys read the same story I wrote?


bottomdweller has a vivid imagination... She extrapolated sex scenes and then deemed them objectionable -- because they were unrealistic. (If Ryan doesn't work out as Romney's running mate, this may qualify her as a candidate!)
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Post August 24, 2012, 08:49:32 PM

Keeping Abreast of Politics

Robert_Moriyama wrote:...(If Ryan doesn't work out as Romney's running mate, this may qualify her as a candidate!)

Jeri Ryan is the republican presidential running mate! Wow!!!

She'll have no problem assimilating MY vote.

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Post August 24, 2012, 10:38:35 PM

Re: Less of Her by I. Verse

bottomdweller wrote:Here's a brand new, fresh idea people: WRITE WHAT YOU KNOW!!! I guess I'm the first person in the history of literature to come up with this revolutionary approach.


Stephen King once said this about his first breakthrough story:

"I thought who'd want to read a book about a poor little girl with menstrual problems? I couldn't believe I was writing it."

I suppose he should have never bothered with it, eh? No way a male English teacher could know anything about what a female high school teenager with menstrual problems could be going through.

Honestly, writing what you know can only take you so far. Writing what you DON'T know and making it amusing and entertaining will take you the rest of the way.

Well done Verse.

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Post August 24, 2012, 10:46:39 PM

Re: Less of Her by I. Verse

J.I.Charles wrote:
bottomdweller wrote:Here's a brand new, fresh idea people: WRITE WHAT YOU KNOW!!! I guess I'm the first person in the history of literature to come up with this revolutionary approach.


Stephen King once said this about his first breakthrough story:

"I thought who'd want to read a book about a poor little girl with menstrual problems? I couldn't believe I was writing it."

I suppose he should have never bothered with it, eh? No way a male English teacher could know anything about what a female high school teenager with menstrual problems could be going through.

Honestly, writing what you know can only take you so far. Writing what you DON'T know and making it amusing and entertaining will take you the rest of the way.

Well done Verse.

I'm really glad you're here! I hope you stay around.
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