No Pension Plan for Ghosts


Tell us what you thought about the July 2012 issue!

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Post July 24, 2012, 11:50:27 AM

No Pension Plan for Ghosts

And no comments, either?

In plot, reminiscent of "The Prisoner" (the Patrick McGoohan series, not the recent mini-series). In action, a little Jason Bourne / "R.E.D." Add a pinch of "Inception" / "The Matrix". Apply electrodes and bake...
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Post July 24, 2012, 02:50:00 PM

Re: No Pension Plan for Ghosts

The good thing is that I read the entire story from top to bottom without scrolling down to find out how much I had left. It kept me interested long enough that the story ended before I knew it.

It left me with questions; guessing what the reality of the situation may be. I appreciated the way it ended, no one likes a hero all the time.

But the last line left me a bit hanging. Now my mind is like "eh?"

Was it a supernatural complex? A "Source Code" type deal? It made me want more.
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Post July 26, 2012, 10:35:04 PM

Re: No Pension Plan for Ghosts

Not bad -- vivid scenery, and the interrogation was quite believably written.

I choked on this, though:
"You know protocol, ma'am. Even a successful subject is to be terminated upon completion of testing. The training, and the mental suppression interrogation system both advance beyond the capabilities of our enemies at the expense of our least valuable agents. We can't be sending broken agents back into the field. That's why we picked Abbas. He's 52 years old, no family, failing physically. There wasn't much mileage left in him."
All tell and no show, the worst aspect of it being a recitation of stuff that both parties are well aware of. The paragraph screams for attention in exactly the wrong way.

Other than that, not bad. The ending was interesting; not sure just what was going on, but it fit.
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Post February 15, 2015, 05:27:52 PM

Re: No Pension Plan for Ghosts

I hadn't thought about this in a long time, almost since it was posted. Never thought to look for comments, but someone was asking me about my writing, which I rarely work on anymore, and I remembered this. These comments are more positive and constructive than I would have expected and I take them mostly as compliments. The telling not showing that Lester points out is actually atrocious now that I see it. Thanks for reading it and sharing your opinions guys, assuming you see this extremely late reply.

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