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Warm by Nick Seabra

PostPosted: June 28, 2012, 01:05:57 AM
by Lester Curtis
Wow! Scary, and strange. There are things that wouldn't seem to belong in the story, such as the little boy, but they all work anyway. And then there's the juxtaposition of Phil's fear with his guilt over his habitual infidelity.

It's like some weird, self-assembling jigsaw puzzle; the pieces don't make sense, but they find their places without the reader's effort.

Outstanding job. I'm impressed, and horror doesn't get to me very often.

The only thing I had a problem with was sorting out the women.

Re: Warm by Nick Seabra

PostPosted: June 28, 2012, 06:48:51 AM
by Mark Edgemon
Lester Curtis wrote:The only thing I had a problem with was sorting out the women.

Ain't it the truth! 8)

Re: Warm by Nick Seabra

PostPosted: June 28, 2012, 12:14:26 PM
by bottomdweller
I think I can let the words speak for themselves:

“He knew nothing of fear anyway; he realized that he could recall only one fearful moment in his life. (And how safe and boring his life must be for that to be true?)”
(Interesting observation- maybe a safe mediocre life isn’t worth perusing.)

Phil shrugged, then realized that Mary couldn't see him. "I'm sorry," he said.
(I’ve done that, good scene setting.)

Linda had said, then, "You look like you know what you're doing," as he rolled the condom over his dick.

He started playing with her wet cunt.

"No shit." Phil dropped into the swivel chair beside him, stretching the phone cord. "No shit," he repeated. "It's all so crazy, I'm not sure where -- "

Well shit and Hellfire – I guess we can say whatever the fuck we want to and nobody here will give a damn. Let’s just have all the guys bone-up and see who has the biggest balls or else anybody who doesn’t want to see phrases about wet cunts and dicks are just big, wet, sloppy, pussys!

Re: Warm by Nick Seabra

PostPosted: June 28, 2012, 12:52:29 PM
by rick tornello
Bottom,

This is ADULT level stuff.

People talk like that, especially, those that are intimate, and this supposes intimacy. Crude language is also a part of life. Live in NYC or New Brunswick NJ or, name your city. Or this represents how some people think, and we both know that's the truth.

But as this ZINE stands, this is not a kid's site.
****

You don't have to read everything, no one is forcing it on you.

Just a 1st amendment comment (WIKI)

The First Amendment (Amendment I) to the United States Constitution is part of the Bill of Rights. The amendment prohibits the making of any law respecting an establishment of religion, impeding the free exercise of religion, abridging the freedom of speech, infringing on the freedom of the press, interfering with the right to peaceably assemble or prohibiting the petitioning for a governmental redress of grievances.

Originally, the First Amendment applied only to laws enacted by the Congress. However, starting with Gitlow v. New York, the Supreme Court has applied the First Amendment to each state. This was done through the Due Process Clause of the Fourteenth Amendment. The Court has also recognized a series of exceptions to provisions protecting the freedom of speech.

That all being stated, it's not my favorite manner of communicating, however if it were fitting (no pun intended), yes I would.


Love and punched

RT

Re: Warm by Nick Seabra

PostPosted: June 28, 2012, 01:17:20 PM
by Robert_Moriyama
There was, of course, a fairly prominent

***CONTAINS ADULT LANGUAGE AND SITUATIONS***

warning...

(which is the 100% guaranteed way to get adolescent boys (and female fans of the "Fifty Shades" books of all ages) to read a story)

But I guess bottom thought we meant "adult" in the sense that it had BEFORE it became a synonym for porn. Silly, silly bottom! Here she was all set for a searing debate on mandatory health insurance and why allowing gay marriage will lead to people marrying snakes and worse, liberals... Oh, wait. That second topic isn't really "adult" in any sense of the word.

Re: Warm by Nick Seabra

PostPosted: June 28, 2012, 01:38:50 PM
by bottomdweller
Critique resended. I saw the guys talking about this story in the forum so I went over and just clicked on the title without reading the blurb about it any further. Nevermind.
I liked quite a bit of the story, actually, especially the fact that SPOILER ALERT!! he doesn't just wake up and say, "Oh, I should change my life" and then he's good. Believe me, Mr. Scrooge was twice as mean as before, a year after his 'lifechanging' dream of xmas eve.

Re: Warm by Nick Seabra

PostPosted: June 28, 2012, 08:15:00 PM
by Mark Edgemon
bottomdweller wrote:
Dialogue From the Porn Story "Warm".
Linda had said, then, "You look like you know what you're doing," as he rolled the condom over his dick.

He started playing with her wet cunt.

Ahhhhhh, so that's how you do it!

Those instructions are so hard to read in the dark.

Let's see now, you roll, roll, roll and then you play with...no wait...what if it ain't...oh nevermind!

Re: Warm by Nick Seabra

PostPosted: June 28, 2012, 08:18:25 PM
by Mark Edgemon
bottomdweller wrote:Well shit and Hellfire – I guess we can say whatever the fuck we want to and nobody here will give a damn. Let’s just have all the guys bone-up and see who has the biggest balls or else anybody who doesn’t want to see phrases about wet cunts and dicks are just big, wet, sloppy, pussys!

You may have been poking fun, but this is much better dialogue than was in the original story!

Gal, you got some hell, fire damnation in you...and that's a good thing for a writer! :wink:

Re: Warm by Nick Seabra

PostPosted: June 29, 2012, 01:59:18 PM
by babyboo3
Well gosh darn it, roll me up and call me a corn dog! What boulderdash comes outa this rooten tooten bootscooten site! Ya'll kill me LOL.

Re: Warm by Nick Seabra

PostPosted: June 29, 2012, 03:13:10 PM
by Lester Curtis
babyboo3 wrote:Well gosh darn it, roll me up and call me a corn dog! What boulderdash comes outa this rooten tooten bootscooten site! Ya'll kill me LOL.

Glad we're good on that. Now, sashay on over to the voting booth and put in yer two cents' worth on the monthly challenge, y'hear, now?

Re: Warm by Nick Seabra

PostPosted: June 30, 2012, 10:09:15 AM
by bottomdweller
And be sure to vote for the best story ever written in this our any galaxy - MINE! (Well, okay, if Mark's is the one I think it is, his story is pretty God damn good too.) - see how I got back to cursing and all that?